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Turingtest Program Dark Humor Seafood Dead Tunes Who Wrote that Song? Dead Fortune Cookies

Turingtest Program

From: jfw@neuro.duke.edu (John F. Whitehead)
Crossposted-To: alt.folklore.computers,comp.programming,comp.misc
Subject: Re: Turingtest Program
Date: 21 May 93 19:04:57 GMT

Turingtest Program (to be sung to the tune of Terrapin Station by the Grateful Dead), by John Whitehead.

Let my information flow
in tokened lines of algorithm
that will not forsake me
till my hack is told and run
While the cathode tube's aglow
strange symbols in the rays will grow
till things we've never seen
will seem familiar
Symbols of a hacker forming
code both foul and fair all swarm
down in the Valley he loved a lady
many years ago
Here beside him stoops a man
a student from the smell of him
who typed through many nights
but lost at love
While the sysadmin helps geeks
a door within the basement creaks
suddenly flies open
and a girl is standing there
Panels light with glowing eyes
all transistors, micro-sized
she takes his card stack and throws it
in the professors' lounge
"Which of you to gain me, tell
will risk uncertain pains of Hell?
I will not forgive you
if you will not take the chance"
The hacker gave at least a try
the student being much too wise
strategy was his strength
and not disaster
The hacker coming back again
the lady fairly leapt at him
that's how it stands today
you decide if he was wise
The sysadmin does make no choice
soon you will not hear his voice
his job is to clean printers
and not to master
Since the end is never done
we pay him off in silicon
in hopes he will come back
but he cannot be lost or won
Information move me brightly
write the code with sense and color,
hold away the bugs
More than this I will not ask
faced with mysteries dark and vast
statements just seem vain at last
some rise, some fall, some climb
to get to Turingtest
Counting lines by cathode-light
all are dim but one is bright:
the spiral light Von Neumann
rising first and shining best,
From the northeast window
it's a brand-new rising sun
crickets and cicadas sing
a rare and different tune
Turingtest Program
in the shadow of the tube
Turingtest Program
and I know we'll be done soon
Turingtest -- I can't figure out
Turingtest -- if it's an end or the beginning
Turingtest -- but I can't control-break now
and the console is flashing: Turingtest
Copyright 1993 by John Whitehead (jfw@well.sf.ca.us),
with humble apologies to Robert Hunter
Feel free to distribute this if it's not in a for-profit medium,
but please include these credits!

Dark Humor

> Hey Now!
>       Anyone else happen to notice the Dead sightings on the David
> Koresh TV movie Sunday evening? Not very flattering. They showed two
> arms dealers with a SYF sticker on their van get busted. Then, to
> top it all off, they showed none other than David Koresh wearing
> a Flying Eyeball t-shirt!
>       Just what we need...more mass-murderer hippie stereotypes from
> the media :-(

Actually I heard a rumor that Koresh got all his ideas from listening to
Estimated Prophet over and over. Kind of like Manson and the Beatles.
In fact, I hear his favorite album was Waco the Flood. He also liked Fire
on the Mountain.

"Voices tellin me: you will soon beseige me
     fire wheel burnin in the air..."

Patrick Hester  ph@pencom.com  212-513-7777  NeXT Mail OK  =8(\/\)  -

Seafood Dead Tunes

>       Its been brought to my attention that despite all of the new songs
>The Dead have brought out in the past 6 or 8 months, they still have yet to
>come up a reference to SEAFOOD.


What? What about Going Down the Road, Feeling Shad or China Catfish Sunfish or Scallop Begonias, not to mention Lobster Sailor, and Hello Mr. Sole (oh wait, that last one was Bufallo Springsteen). There's also Bertha, named after Jerry's childhood goldfish--not technically seafood,true. Oh and wait, how about If I Haddock World to Give?


Don't forget:

The Faster We Go the Flounder We Get
Dark Starfish
Cosmic Charlie (that crazy tuna fish!)
Kelp On The Way
Sargasso Moon (okay, I'm pushing it here...)

So many classic songs have been about seafood really. How about Desolation Roe, Foolish Carp, Estimated Porpoise, The Oyster One, Haddock Of My Life, China Dolphin, Mahi Mahi's Farm, Eel Like A Stranger, The Goldfish Road, Friend of the Devil Fish, US Bluefish, Good Morning Little School-Of-Fish-Girl, or (my favorite) Lox of Rain?

And there are related themes like Sugareef and Kelp On The Way.

Also, Stuck Inside of Mobile With The Memphish Blues Again (or does that belong in a different newsgroup ;-)


Don't for Roe Jimmy, King Salmon's Marbles, The Faster We Go, the Flounder We Get, Tarpin Station, Might as Eel, and the list goes on and on.


Since I can take sole credit for jump-starting this insane nonsense, let me offer The Official Grateful Dead Top Ten Seafood Songs. Those who originated them, know who you are. The czech is in the male.

Number Ten: Going Down the Road Feeling Shad
Number Nine: Greatest Fishing Story Ever Told
Number Eight: Estimated Porpoise
Number Seven: Big Boss Clam
Number Six: If I Haddock World to Give
Number Five: Eel like a Stranger
Number Four: Haddocks of my Life
Number Three: Lox of Rain
Number Two: Foolish Carp
Number One: ooh, aahh, drum roll please........


Thanks to all who responded to my continued pursuit of nonsense. Bill

Who Wrote that Song?

From: Gary Shank  <P30GDS1@NIU.BITNET>
Subject: who wrote that song?
Date: Thu, 29 Jul 1993 03:06:26 GMT

I enjoyed the seafood and the ice cream puns, so how about another cool parlor game? What if various Dead songs were actually titles for auto- biographies? Such as:

you get the idea....


From: MATT <MS_CRAMER@acad.fandm.edu>
Subject: Re: who wrote that song?
Reply-To: MS_CRAMER@acad.fandm.edu
Date: Thu, 29 Jul 1993 19:01:28 GMT

Sorry about the last one, but it was either that or:


Ok, my turn. Beware, some of these are not flattering ...





How about:

Mark H.


Herewith my own $0.02 worth (adjusted for inflation):

Paul R.


For South African Heads (if their are any):

For basketball fans:

I see the bricks and rotten fruit coming . . . bye y'all.

Paul R.


Well, I've kept quiet on this thread long enough. Anyone said:


just thought of this one:


Dead Fortune Cookies

In article <1993Jul30.185754.21468@ultb.isc.rit.edu>, rar6811@ritvax.isc.rit.edu writes:
>I know this probably won't work for Dead tunes, but next time you
>are eating a fortune cookie add "in bed" at the end of the fortune.  Always
>good for a few laughs.

Won't for for Dead tunes? OK. Here we go...

Oh. This is just too easy.


Turingtest Program Dark Humor Seafood Dead Tunes Who Wrote that Song? Dead Fortune Cookies
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